Answered Prayers Can Freak You Out

English: Category:Ford vehicles

English: Category:Ford vehicles (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Seven months ago my boyfriend and I began renovating our “rescue” house. I moved in last month. The move went well minus a 26 foot U-Haul side swiping my boyfriend’s truck shortly after we parked at U-Haul. Yes. “Moving is an Adventure.” It’s amazing what one can do with a regular driver’s license. Decide the guilt or innocence of a defendant. Vote. Rent a 26 foot U-Haul. I embraced my inner Buddha while calming myself among the isles of boxes, packing tape, and blankets in the store. “You cannot avoid suffering. Don’t get freaked out.” I don’t think I quoted Buddha verbatim. However, I maintained composure until we settled insurance issues with U-Haul and hitched our trailer. Three very kind, young, and brawny men moved all my things. We finished by noon. I went to yoga. A pretty Zen move considering . . .

Then, I panicked . . . a little bit. My boyfriend traveled for work shortly after the move. I held down the fort with my sweet pup. However, I felt incredibly discombobulated. I didn’t sleep well. I questioned whether I drank a Starbuck’s venti Pike’s Place. My mind kept organizing, sorting, and arranging. Where should I put all my things? Why is my boyfriend holding on to all the novels he read in high school? (Seriously, seeing For Whom The Bell Tolls elicited painful flashbacks from sophomore year English – glorious piece of VERY long literature.) Making lists for Target replaced mindfully brushing my teeth. Ugh. I kept meditating and practicing yoga. I held faith that the emotional dust would settle.

One morning, I looked through a guided meditation app, Insight Timer. I found a beautiful meditation about accepting change. The narrator said, “Dear One, your calls have been answered. . . Pour beauty into all the cracks of fear.” Warm tears rolled down my cheeks, and I felt a weight lift. Four years ago, I landed in a tiny apartment, on a beautiful island, following a harrowing divorce. My prayer was simple, “Help me heal.” Booyah! Four years later. Prayer answered.

Even positive changes come with stress. When change arrives, it can feel like someone thrust an itchy wool sweater over your head. It’s scratchy and uncomfortable. However, maybe it’s exactly what you needed or asked for. In a few weeks it feels comfortable, cozy, and you look beautiful in it.

Imperfectly,

Amelia

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